This is not exactly the first blog post I had in mind after my August hiatus. This wasn’t written or scheduled until a few days ago. But life gave me lemons – and quite bitter ones at that.
When I moved to Brighton in June, I took a risk. A risk of not knowing what the future would hold and whilst that would normally freak me out completely, I just went along with it. It wasn’t until recently but I’ve started to feel happier, more secure in what I am doing and overall just find my feet on the pebble beach ground.
I took on new projects, mapped out a schedule for the blog, I was full of creativity and ideas and ready to take it to the next step. Then, without warning, I was told I needed to leave the flat by the end of September.
For many reasons, this hit me in the face. It could probably not have come at a more inconvenient time – although, when is it ever convenient to get an unexpected one month’s notice? – and because life has been a bit difficult behind the scenes, this was the last drop which pushed my energy levels down. After a while of continuously worrying, it’s a lot harder to always look on the bright side. There’s only so many times I can sing and dance to the Kinky Boots soundtrack until it doesn’t raise me up anymore.
I feel like, whenever I’m trying to make something better, I fail. I wanted to move to Brighton because I was unhappy in London, now this gets thrown my way. I wanted to improve the blog and make it a lot better, now life forces me to push some projects back. Sometimes, I don’t understand it anymore and wish I had stayed in Germany, got a 9-5 office job and left it at that. I feel a little bit like cocky Oberyn Martell in that fight with The Mountain. (If you don’t watch Game of Thrones, look that reference up. Actually… Maybe don’t.)
But what I don’t want is to leave the blog again before I even picked it back up. The only aspect that is going to be different than I had it originally planned is that the posts will be a bit less frequent than I intended – I’m thinking every three days instead of every other day – and the more creative projects I had in mind have to be postponed. They are not cancelled. They are just waiting for their time to shine.
So, this is where I’m at. Writing this put such a heavy weight on my heart, I think I just gained a good 20 kilograms. I’ll try to be back to normal as soon as possible but I didn’t want anyone to think that I hyped the relaunch of my blog up and then didn’t deliver.
’til then x