Why dating apps don’t work for me.

We live in a world where meeting someone online is not frowned upon anymore. Long gone are the days where we were told not to say our real name or where one had to register with awkward dating websites which, on top, made you pay money. Tinder, Bumble and Happn are there to keep us entertained and look for love at the same time – but does it really work?

Rumour has it that people have actually found love on dating apps, but for me, I don’t think this is possible. For the longest time, I refused to download a dating app but after being repeatedly told that ‘you can’t judge them before having tried them’ and also realising that I don’t go out often enough to actually meet someone, I caved.

So, I tried. No one can say that I didn’t. But the people I’ve ‘matched with’ turned out to be people I simply cannot see myself ever getting face to face with, let alone naked (in a literal and metaphorical sense). I simply didn’t share anything with any of them. Let me give you some examples.

The ones that are married to their work. One date, great conversations – mostly about work. No follow-up date ever because it’s difficult to squeeze it in between their 16-hour-days and my unwillingness to leave the house late on a Saturday night just for a hookup.

The ones that think you’ve got no morals. One match, two minutes small talk, then the kinky questions role in. And not the flirty, funny ones. More like, “Today is steak and blowjob day, and so far I haven’t got either…”. Ok then, you may now go and play with yourself.

The ones that really don’t understand that you’re on there to find someone. Yes, really. “It’s Tinder, we both clearly have no dignity.” Excuse you? Speak for yourself but this girl won’t give you a minute of her time if you can’t even appreciate it.

The ones that unmatch you as soon as you mention a bookshop. The reason most guys unmatched or ghosted on me was me mentioning my love for books and writing. I’m sorry but… what?

The thing I like about the idea of meeting someone is the unexpected. You’re going to the supermarket, a dance class, a book shop. You’re not going to look for a date but because you forgot to buy cheese for your lasagna or you want to get that book you’ve been seeing posters for all over the tube. You might meet someone and you end up being friends or you might meet someone and it evolves into a romantic relationship. That’s the excitement and the fun about it.

I would also like to point out that I’m not against meeting people online per se. Even platforms like Twitter and Instagram can be great for meeting people ‘unexpectedly’. You start talking to them first and it then evolving into something more is not a concept that’s exclusively reserved for real life, and I like the fact that you might have never met them if it wasn’t for the internet.

However, there’s something about looks, touches and smiles which makes the whole experience so much better. But dating apps don’t allow that; they force me to approach the other person in a somewhat romantic (or at least sexual) way from the beginning, and that’s not for me. I don’t want to be expected to go on a date after a few insignificant lines, and I definitely don’t want to be expected to sleep with someone after even less significant lines.

Yes, this is 2017 and dating apps are the norm; they’re the modern way of meeting your Prince Charming (or, you know, Cinderella; or whoever you want to come along) but I’d rather have him pass by me on a white horse. Even if it’s just in a GIF on Twitter.

’til next time x


Looking for Something?