A belated welcome to 2019

A photo of me from behind with my new Manchester Bee tattoo
A black & white photo of me
A black & white photo of me

I don’t know what it is, but I can never seem to make January a good month. Every single year, without fail, it leaves me feeling sluggish, deflated and most definitely ready for spring.

I left Spain on the 11th and moved into a new houseshare, where I was greeted by boxes upon boxes that I hadn’t had the chance to unpack before I moved in, and, well, then everything kind of started crumbling.

To be completely honest with you, I had not anticipated how difficult the transition from travelling to ‘normal life’ would be. All of a sudden, I was by myself again, thrown back into a somewhat normal routine – as far as routine goes in the freelance world – and what I had once craved so badly suddenly seemed like the very last thing I wanted to happen. I found myself stumbling about, not least because of all the unpacked boxes that, literally and metaphorically, piled up in front of me, and utterly unsure about what I wanted from life.

Over the last month or so, I’d had an image of my life in Manchester in my head; I was excited to get stuck in, with so many plans and so many ambitions… but then, well, I didn’t have a clue how to get there anymore.

With a confused mind and a cold and dreary weather constantly accompanying my equally dreary mood, little things were starting to get to me more than they should have; mundane, everyday bits, quickly solved if not dwelled upon for too long, were occupying my mind, taking up space that should’ve been put to better use.

But as it is with life, it showed me how little my first-world-problems were in comparison to life’s tragic events, which so often happen to other people but never to oneself. With a death in the family, an non-insulated window suddenly didn’t seem so overwhelming anymore.

Work was slow and then came all at once, except for the payments from projects long gone.

And I kept falling and falling and I felt like Alice when she falls down the rabbit hole, except that nothing was curious and colourful but devastating and dark.

But January went and a little glimpse of hope returned, as it always does when February arrives. Pinks and reds and hearts are everywhere, and whether you tolerate, like or celebrate Valentine’s Day, I can’t help but soak up the sweet atmosphere of courtship and love after leaving the long, dark month of January behind. Settled into the new place, work-related anxiety gone and a faint smell of spring ahead, life seems to have returned to a place from which I feel hopeful and ready.

I haven’t made any resolutions as such this year. Last year’s was more than successful; this year, I merely want to not waste 365 days. 2018 screamed ‘Adventure’, and whilst I still grieve the end of it, I am determined to explore what adventures my home turf has to offer. I hope to blog a lot and be more consciously present on social media; I hope to only surround myself with good vibes where possible, and only radiate good vibes in return; I hope to laugh, dance, write, love and reflect; and I hope to be sat somewhere at the end of the year and smile.

Oh, and you might have noticed that the design has changed a little bit around here. I felt like the blog needed a little bit of colour, too.

’til next time x


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