I don’t know what it is, but I can never seem to make January a good month. Every single year, without fail, it leaves me feeling sluggish, deflated and most definitely ready for spring.
I left Spain on the 11th and moved into a new houseshare, where I was greeted by boxes upon boxes that I hadn’t had the chance to unpack before I moved in, and, well, then everything kind of started crumbling.
To be completely honest with you, I had not anticipated how difficult the transition from travelling to ‘normal life’ would be. All of a sudden, I was by myself again, thrown back into a somewhat normal routine – as far as routine goes in the freelance world – and what I had once craved so badly suddenly seemed like the very last thing I wanted to happen. I found myself stumbling about, not least because of all the unpacked boxes that, literally and metaphorically, piled up in front of me, and utterly unsure about what I wanted from life.
Over the last month or so, I’d had an image of my life in Manchester in my head; I was excited to get stuck in, with so many plans and so many ambitions… but then, well, I didn’t have a clue how to get there anymore.
With a confused mind and
But as it is with life, it showed me how little my first-world-problems were in comparison to life’s tragic events, which so often happen to other people but never to oneself. With a death in the family, an non-insulated window suddenly didn’t seem so overwhelming anymore.
Work was slow and then came all at once, except for the payments from projects long gone.
And I kept falling and falling and I felt like Alice when she falls down the rabbit hole, except that nothing was curious and colourful but devastating and dark.
But January went and a little glimpse of hope returned, as it always does when February arrives. Pinks and reds and hearts are everywhere, and whether you tolerate, like or celebrate Valentine’s Day, I can’t help but soak up the sweet atmosphere of courtship and love after leaving the long, dark month of January behind. Settled into the new place, work-related anxiety gone and a faint smell of spring ahead, life seems to have returned to a place from which I feel hopeful and ready.
I haven’t made any resolutions as such this year. Last year’s was more than successful; this year, I merely want to not waste 365 days. 2018 screamed ‘Adventure’, and whilst I still grieve the end of it, I am determined to explore what adventures my home turf has to offer. I hope to blog a lot and be more consciously present on social media; I hope to only surround myself with good vibes where possible, and only radiate good vibes in return; I hope to laugh, dance, write, love and reflect; and I hope to be sat somewhere at the end of the year and smile.
Oh, and you might have noticed that the design has changed a little bit around here. I felt like the blog needed a little bit of colour, too.
’til next time x