Looking back on my New Year’s resolutions.

Photos by Pippa O’Neill Photography

 

When I went into 2017, I set myself no less than 20 New Year’s resolutions. I will admit that that was a bit ambitious from the get-go and some might say I was prone to fail with this amount of resolutions, but I’d had a tough few months in the last quarter of 2016 and I just wanted to make 2017 a lot better.

Fast forward nearly a year and I have almost failed them all.

One point I fulfilled was that I wanted to do something special for my birthday, and I did it by going to Stratford-upon-Avon and having a generally fantastic birthday week. Number 10 (Spend more time in Brighton), number 12 (Find some time to work on my blog) and number 16 (Write a lot more) have also been on the good side. But then… then there’s everything else.

I won’t go through them all bit by bit but the general consesus was: I want to meet new people, I want to let them into my life and I want to create memories. I did none of these things, and I hate it.

You see, 2017 has been a very, very difficult year. It started with a devastatingly low mental health, which I had hoped to pull myself out of by making the move to Brighton in June. But then Brighton turned out to be nothing like I had hoped it would and life continued in Eastbourne.

A lot of other factors, which have never made it on to the internet, have also contributed to this year not being one of my favourites. The last 14-16 months have been incredibly difficult and it’s only as we near the end of 2017 that I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I am now feeling more hopeful and optimistic than I have in those past 14-16 months, and it took me this long to get to this point.

As much as I feel like I have lost a good chunk of my life, I can slowly see the development and improvement I have gone through; as a person, as a woman, as a career girl. I feel like 2017 has been quite the struggle for a lot of people – even though, admittedly, I thought the exact same thing at the end of last year – and if you are still wondering if you are destined to live life in darkness, then I can assure you: You are not.

I still have times where I feel like a failure, lonely and isolated, but I can also see that setting myself all these resolutions and making them incredibly personal and challenging was not the right thing to do. I thought it was, at the time, because I thought it was going to make me come out of my shell for the sake of a list I had written on my phone.

For 2018, I did not set myself 20 resolutions, in fact, there is exactly one (more on that soon), but I can now look back on the previous 20 and see that most of them weren’t actual resolutions. They were plans and hopes and dreams I wrote down to try and make 2017 worthwhile, determined to not let the unpleasant events of 2016’s last quarter roll over into the new year, but instead it all went downhill even more. They weren’t actual things I could work on, like eating healthier or going to the gym more; they were influenced by outer factors which I could not have foreseen, therefore making me more prone to fail.

I have learned from them and I am now wiser and know what to challenge myself with – and how to word it. I’ll try and take the remaining three and a half weeks of this rollercoaster year to fully recharge, relax and recuperate, before a hopefully exciting and fulfilling 2018.

’til next time x

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