What Vlogtober has shown me.

I could just paste the lyrics to a song here which would probably describe my situation perfectly, but then that would be cheating, wouldn’t it? My friend Jason and his band Montroze put everything I could ever say about myself into their song ‘Contemplation’, so if you want to get a general feeling for what this blog post’s vibe is going to be… maybe have a listen first (actually, listen to the song and the EP it’s on, anyway; it’s fab!).

Either way, as you may or may not know, I ended my first Vlogtober early for reasons that I tried to touch on a little bit in the last vlog. However, as I will always be better with written words than spoken, I wanted to explain it all a bit more in a blog post.

I’ve learned a lot in those three weeks. Daily vlogging is bloody time-intense and challenging if, like me, you want to get them up at the same time every day whilst maintaining and improving the quality. I take my hat off to everyone who manages to do it, whether that’s for a month or more. Not only for the aforementioned reason but also in terms of not letting it affect their mental health.

I might have more down days than the average person, or my down days might be lower than those of other people, but overall, I found that I was absolutely not ready to open up to a potentially large audience. You know when you want to get back into running and even though it’s been so long, you try to run 5k straight away? Yeah, me neither but metaphorically, it’s pretty apt.

I don’t know what I expected. As I mentioned in the video, I really should have known better. My social anxiety and isolation have been building up to rather extreme heights over the last year or so, and so for me to go ahead and make a video of and about my life for every single day… yeah, it seems pretty stupid.

Whilst Vlogtober did make me struggle with my mental health, it also had a positive effect on my self-perception. As I’m sure most people do, I have my insecurities, flaws and doubts but a few of them were taken away during the three weeks of putting my face on camera every single day. I’d prefer not to go into detail but I suppose it’s an aspect worth mentioning, anyway.

So, yes, this was an experiment and I learned by doing it that daily vlogging is not my forte. But that’s okay. Let’s see what’s next.

’til then x

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