7 things I would write if my Tinder bio was honest.

Ok, yes, I said dating app weren’t for me. They still kind of aren’t. But a single girl in 2017 has got to do what she’s got to do. Except being honest with her Tinder bio because if I was, here’s what it would say…

 

  1. “The main reason I love living by the seaside is because I’ve got anxiety and it’s pretty much the only place where I don’t easily panic. lol.” – The ‘lol’ is especially important to show that there’s still some sarcasm and humour somewhere underneath the crippling self-doubt. lol.
  2. “You won’t ever get me to do sports. I’m sorry, you won’t. Except if you try to because then I’ll run. Away from you.” – There’s nothing that makes me swipe left more quickly than a bio that says ‘health & fitness’ or five photos in a row without a shirt on.
  3. “I don’t know how to be flirty or casually cool with guys unless I’m not interested in them in the slightest, so I will either say nothing or react incredibly awkward. Or, you know, be casually cool but then I really couldn’t care less.” – They might think this is funny or exaggerated but little do they know that it’s the most truthful thing I’ve ever said.
  4. “I prefer day dates because this girl needs her beauty sleep. Ain’t nobody got time to sit in a bar screaming into each other’s ears when I could be catching some zZzs.” – Seriously, though. I’ll end up deaf and you’ll end up drunk and then what?
  5. “There will come a time where I disappear off the face of the earth for a few days, no matter how well we get on, because I find constant human interaction exhausting.” – Again, just preparing them for what they’re getting themselves into. I have seriously considered putting this in my bio but decided I could potentially ruin any slight chances I might have.
  6. “I am terrible at keeping up conversations, even if I fancy the fuck out of you. I probably won’t show it. Ever.” – Because what’s the point in showing them affection first when they’re gonna ghost you quicker than you can say ‘I think I kind of maybe sort of like you’? Exactly.
  7. “I am only here because I have no chance of getting with Kit Harington.” – Ok, I lied, THIS is the most truthful thing I’ve ever said.

 

Hands up if you’re also undergoing the burden that is Tinder because there doesn’t seem to be any chance of meeting anyone anywhere else as a single girl in 2017?

’til next time x

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