The best thing I never had.

I’ve been feeling a rollercoaster of emotions lately. The uncertainties and obstacles, the freedom and liberation, the nervousness and excitement – it all got a bit much and my little heart was a bit overwhelmed.

But what I couldn’t cope with the most was the unconditional support and love I received.

You see, I’ve always been a bit of a lone wolf. The past had built a decent wall around my heart and I had accustomed to the idea that I can’t trust anyone. Opening up was something I would not do, under any circumstances, and if I did, even the slightest bit, I would be filled with regret. Having always been someone who was pretty content with doing everything by herself, I would not seek help for anything, I would not speak about my worries and I would not let anyone see that I was struggling. Always the smiley, strong woman on the outside.

But it got to a point where I couldn’t hold this image up anymore, and I crumbled. I fell into pieces in front of a group of people and… they picked me up. They showered me in love and support and encouragement. They put the pieces back together and held my head up high when I couldn’t. They warmed my heart when all I felt were icy shivers and they dried my tears when I thought I was going to drown in them. They celebrated every little achievement on the way with me and caught me when I fell after any low that knocked my confidence back.

They gave me hugs and kisses and held me tight and squeezed my hand and I could not be more grateful. It is so hard to find genuine people in this world and, all of a sudden, I found a handful of them at once. I know I can tell them everything and they will keep my secrets as if their lives depended on it. It scares the living shit out of me to have a group of support now because, well, if they disappear, I will disappear and no one will be left to look for me. But it is also just so damn nice to have them in my life, and in return shower them in just as much love and support. To be there for them at 3am when they need a cuddle and a cry, just as at 9pm when there’s music and dancing and not a worry in this world.

They are the Samanthas, Charlottes and Mirandas to my Carrie; they are the Harrys to my Hermione and the Archie Andrews’ to my Betty Cooper. They are my rocks and I love them all, each in their own way. <3

’til next time x

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