I have no idea how to start this post, so I am just going to ramble on, without any rhyme or reason (who am I kidding, this sentence alone took me five minutes to type).
I am going to take a break from the blog.
Lately, I’ve been feeling very dissatisfied with this space. I feel like I can’t live up to my own expectations and I’m putting so much pressure on myself again. The latter is something which I desperately need to change, and so for me, that means not sticking to the regular uploading schedule for a while.
I don’t go out to fancy places very often, if at all. I don’t buy new beauty products every week. I don’t try new recipes and re-create them as soon as I can to put them up on the blog. I’m really a very normal girl. I have the same breakfast every morning, I like simple recipes, I buy the occasional nail polish every now and again and Starbucks is a treat for me. My room is always messy and not how I want it to look at all, which means that it’s not photogenic either. Neither am I. I still experiment with different makeup-looks. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. I compare myself a lot and most of the time, I lose. But that’s what I need to change.
Back in December, I mentioned briefly that I’m struggling. It’s now four months later, and as much as everything cleared up and got better, I’m still struggling. I thought this blog would take my mind off of everything but quite frankly, it’s making me put even more pressure on myself. Even writing this post is a real challenge, for I’m already thinking about what picture to put in and what date to upload it. I’m using too much “I” but I’m lacking an alternative. My own expectations for my English are extremely high and my posts don’t do them justice. With the regular uploading schedule of two posts a week, I find myself just typing something which I’m not happy with just to stick to it. I have the choice of just putting any post up on my regular upload days (and be disappointed with the quality) or taking my time to find something interesting to write about (and be disappointed about not sticking to regular posts).
I realised that I need to take a step back.
So from now on, there won’t be a regular uploading schedule anymore. I’m in my last semester at uni and I really need to focus on that. It’s my priority. I need to find my inspiration, creativity and most of all – my happiness. I have people to help me with that but it’s a challenging task for my mind, because in the end, that’s where the change needs to happen.
I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but please feel free to follow me on other social media sites. The links are on the right hand side.
’till then x